The Sacrament
by Lady Arcorna
Summary: When Heero leaves on a mission with Trowa, Duo's heart breaks. Will they ever meet again? Can be taken as shounen ai or friendship, whatever you like.


The Sacrament  
  
Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me, I'm making no money with this ... if I did, I'd donate it to poor people. The song belongs to HIM (a Finnish band) and is not mine either.  
  
A/N: This could be taken as a Shounen Ai (male/male love) story or a simple friendship. Choose whatever you like. I also don't want to offend any Christians. I am one myself. I merely chose the song because it is pretty and it expresses so much love and trust. Lyrics will be marked this way: ** ** Mmm ... slightly AU, too.  
  
(Duo's POV)  
  
**I hear you breathe so far from me  
  
I feel your touch so close and real  
  
And I know  
  
My church is not of silver and gold,  
  
It's glory lies beyond judgement of souls  
  
The commandments are of consolation oh **  
  
I miss you.  
  
Every night and day.  
  
We will probably not meet anytime soon however. You have been sent of on a long mission with Trowa and no one knows when you will return.  
  
I'm sitting on a window sill in one of these houses that are supposed to be safe, waiting. Waiting for a mission, waiting for Quatre to return from shopping, hell waiting for anything. Anything that will make the pain that you left behind for me will go away.  
  
Maybe, deep down in my heart I wait to hear that you are dead. That I don't need to be worry anymore ... but could I live without you? I force these gloomy thoughts back to where they came from. No, I need to trust in you.  
  
**You know our sacred dream won't fail  
  
The sanctuary tender and so frail  
  
The sacrament of love  
  
The sacrament of warmth is true  
  
The sacrament is you **  
  
The night before you left you came to my room; you were restless like an animal trapped in a cage.  
  
"We will leave tomorrow," was the first thing you said.  
  
"I know."  
  
"I ... might not return."  
  
That was the first time you openly showed how you felt about death.  
  
Maybe you don't want to die after all. I hope so. Life without you wouldn't be the same; we may struggle, we may try to kill each other, but we could never **live** without each other.  
  
Oh, Heero. Don't you die now. Don't leave me alone. My mind is completely lost in my fears and I can't think clearly anymore.  
  
I get up and walk downstairs to get a glass of water in the kitchen. It's cold and it hurts in my throat, but somehow it's comforting to know that I can still feel such a thing.  
  
**I hear you weep so far from me  
  
I taste your tears like you're next to me  
  
And I know  
  
That our prayers are not enough to give  
  
Oh the ancient runes so deep and so dear  
  
The revelation is our patron fear**  
  
(Heero's POV)  
  
It's getting late. I'm still working on Wing. It is something that distracts me from that face that keeps popping up inside my head. That's the only way to put it: popping out of nowhere.  
  
Duo. He is where ever I go to and he never leaves me alone, no matter how hard I try to get rid of him. He is to me what other people would call their 'best friend'. Do soldiers have best friends? Is it necessary to have friends at all?  
  
But he's so much more. He knows what I **feel** and he makes me go on.  
  
Whenever I feel like giving up he annoys me or does anything to get me angry. That's the way to keep me alive, I guess. That is what people call a soulmate, I guess. I'm afraid of losing him, Something could happen to him, could happen to me. Anytime, anywhere, But no one will kill me. however. I will get it done myself and that will upset him even more. I'm afraid that he would mourn ... or worse, as crazy as he is.  
  
So I keep pushing him away. It's better for him to hate me.  
  
I still hope that I can change however, maybe after the war when no one needs me as a soldier anymore. We could maybe live together or something.  
  
I'd be happy for Duo is not only the person who senses my distress and rare moments of joy, he is also the reason why I am able to feel them at all.  
  
**You know our sacred dream won't fail  
  
The sanctuary tender and so frail  
  
The sacrament of love  
  
The sacrament of warmth is true  
  
The sacrament is you  
  
The sacrament is you  
  
The sacrament is you  
  
The sacrament is you  
  
The sacrament is you **  
  
(Duo's POV)  
  
I'm dreaming. It's a nightmare. I see you fall in battle, Heero! I see how you die, blood all over you! You ... you still want to die, after you just opened up to me.  
  
NO!!!  
  
I wake up, tears in my eyes. I knew that I was dreaming all along, but still ... I can't get these images out of my head.  
  
Tears keep trickling over my cheeks and so I rock myself back to sleep. All alone once again. I wonder how much more of this I can take before I simply break into tiny pieces of what I used to be. Do I love you, Heero? I do not know. You are my partner, my friend, my everything, but do I love you? I honestly don't know.  
  
Finally I find some rest, hoping to escape myself, but alas, peace is not meant for me.  
  
The dreams come back Worse than ever and not even me, the God of Death, can stop what is happening. You are being killed. I just know that my dreams are real this time and it drives me insane. Suddenly I wake up and know what to do.  
  
We were both right and wrong at the same time. You always thought you'd kill yourself. Wrong. I told you that you would kill me one day. Right.  
  
You're killing me and I love to die for you.  
  
**You know our sacred dream won't fail  
  
The sanctuary tender and so frail  
  
The sacrament of love  
  
The sacrament of warmth is true  
  
The sacrament is you**  
  
(Heero's POV)  
  
I am still working on Wing when Trowa storms out of the house and over to me. I have never seen him that excited before.  
  
"Heero ... Quatre just called ..."  
  
I know what happened. It feels like someone ripped out my heart, threw it on the ground and stomped it into the muddy ground.  
  
You are dead.  
  
In your goodbye letter you wrote that you died for me. Because I was dead.  
  
How can someone be that stupid?!  
  
How can you die for ME?!  
  
If you were here I'd beat some sense into you, but no, you will never be there anymore. You are gone. Forever. All my plans are worth nothing now.  
  
I never saw that they were bound to be destroyed: I never was insane. All along it was you.  
  
Oh, my Duo, how I love you ...  
  
**You know our sacred dream won't fail  
  
The sanctuary tender and so frail  
  
The sacrament of love  
  
The sacrament of warmth is true  
  
The sacrament is you**  
  
Owari Ende The End 


End file.
